Getting my anus inspected in Bangkok

by Poi on June 16, 2011

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Since I’ve been in Bangkok I’ve had the pleasure of visiting the BNH hospital a few times. I thought the first time was embarrassing enough, having several people fondling with my balls after I found a small lump a few days before. At one point I was in a room with 6 people all of them taking it in turns to cop a feel. I would just like to point out despite the pleasurable experience this could have been, not all nurses look like they do in those ‘sexy films’

You’ll be glad to know it was nothing, my balls are fine.

I did later, however, start feeling pains in my groin and stomach which continued for a couple of weeks and prompted me to return to the hospital and face far more humiliation.

After seeing a doctor and trying out some pills for a few days, nothing changed. So back at the hospital in not the best English, I was asked to do a stool test. I was given a bag with a little cup and a spoon inside and directed towards the toilets.

Now as I said, I was asked to do this in broken English and was feeling a little nervous about the whole embarrassing situation. I had to weigh up the odds, should I ask someone to confirm that I was indeed meant to poo in this little cup or risk giving someone a terrible shock and handing them a cup of shit when it was meant for something else entirely.

“okay, just to confirm, I am meant to poo in this cup right? I don’t want to surprise anyone”

I would like to say the doctor and nurse took this professionally and said yes without a change of expression, but they didn’t.

After spending a while on the toilet (are you starting to wonder why your chose to read this yet?) I got my sample and gave it to one of the nurses, feeling pretty happy I didn’t have her job.

Turns out my poop contained something that poop shouldn’t contain, so I would have to come back and be ‘inspected’

I arrived at the hospital a couple of days later ready to have a camera shoved up my arse.

As instructed I’d not eaten in the last 24 hours and had spent the night on the toilet after taking some very powerful laxatives given to me in preparation.

Next thing I know I’m in an operating room, being rolled onto my side and injected with lots of drugs ready for my anus to be violated for the first time in my life. Thank god, I was asleep before game time.

This is where I should say I woke up in a bed none the wiser, but, that didn’t happen…

At first I didn’t know where I was, all I felt was an incredible pain in my stomach and shouted out in agony. When I opened my eyes I was greeted with a monitor showing a nice view of the inside of my intestines. To make it worse out the corner of my eye I could see the doctor behind me doing his dirty business with the pipe, which I could now feel moving through my insides.

documents from BNH hospital in Bangkok

A not so close up of my insides…

I’m assuming they pumped me full of more drugs because before I knew any more I was out of it and waking up very drowsy in a different bed, greeted with hot chocolate, a slice of cake and some water.

You’ve just been bummed, have some cake?

The nurse came to make sure I was okay and warned me I might feel a little gassy as they had to fill me up in order to do the procedure, fair enough. Before I knew I was instructed to get dressed and head downstairs where Kirsty was waiting for me, along with the doctor.

I was rewarded with the news that my insides look fine and even given a copy of the pictures they took (available on request).

Kirsty and I left the hospital shortly after for some well deserved lunch, I’m glad to report I was walking normally, I did however have to leave shortly after eating as I was in quite a bit of pain and thought it best to rest.

I jumped in a taxi and began the 30 odd minute journey home, a few minutes in my stomach started to shift and make some interesting noises, the whole way home all I could think was…

“What the fuck am I gonna say to this taxi driver if I shit in his car?? he can’t speak a word of English! He’s not going to care that I’ve just been raped!”

I held out for the journey and swiftly made it back to the safety of my homely toilet.

Remember that gas I was warned about? Well bugger me! I was sitting on the sofa crouched over the computer when everything started moving, I sat up straight and whistled a lovely tune from my backside for the next 30 seconds.

That was it, the sensation to shit myself had gone, one big fart and I was fine.

I can’t decide whether this would have been more or less embarrassing had it happened at home, what was happening might have been clearer to me but I might have also heard the jokes being made or all the nurses talking about what a great bum I have?

Since the operation I have been away with my parents and will be returning to the hospital to see what has come of some samples that were taken during the procedure.

So it happened again… Getting my bum out in hospital again

If you want to give Poi a hot chocolate, just like the nurses after his next hospital visit feel free to donate
 

                                                                                                                         

Thank you 🙂

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{ 50 comments… read them below or add one }

Julia June 16, 2011 at 4:33 pm

So basically what you’re saying is that you had bad wind??
Wow, anyone would think this was just your excuse to get a little “back door” action 🙂
I actually LOL’ed several times while reading this, not sure what that says about my sense of humour, but keep up the funny posts, I love them!
Julia´s last blog post ..Hot and Hungover at St Louis Zoo

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Poi June 16, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Glad you enjoyed! freak!

Ahh no, I should have made that clearer (I will) after my monster fart the urge to shit myself had gone.

I’m still dealing with the original pains 🙁

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Julia June 16, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Oh no, well I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you get sorted out soon (and not through anymore anal probing). And yes, I’m a freak 🙂
Julia´s last blog post ..Hot and Hungover at St Louis Zoo

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Roy | cruisesurfingz June 16, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Sounds traumatic, but funny!! Can’t believe you posted pics as well. lol
Roy | cruisesurfingz´s last blog post ..Accidentally In Vilnius Yes- As In Lithuania

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Poi June 17, 2011 at 9:00 am

It was terrible at the time but funny thinking back.

I tried to avoid taking a close up of the pictures I have but maybe I should have been further away still haha

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Camels & Chocolate June 16, 2011 at 11:58 pm

I kind of hate to say it, but I’ve been through something quite similar (in SF, though, not Bangkok). Turns out that I was not fine but rather have an auto-immune disease, blah, but the anesthesia was totally worth the butt invasion–I was high as a kite for the next day, ha!
Camels & Chocolate´s last blog post ..After Four Years- My AAA Finally Came in Handy

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Poi June 17, 2011 at 9:01 am

That’s a shame. I wasn’t lucky enough to be high, my next 24 hours were mainly spent on the toilet.

I hope the tests come back with something, it’s good that my intestines are okay but something is causing the pain and I want to know what.

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Dan Collins June 17, 2011 at 10:46 am

This was such a nice read while eating my peanut butter on toast… especially once I got to the pictures of your anus. *slowly puts the toast in the bin*. I’m with Julia on this one, can’t believe what you’ll go through for some backdoor action!
Dan Collins´s last blog post ..The Alpine Challenge- Arrival

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Poi June 17, 2011 at 10:59 am

What is it with people reading the title of this and thinking it will go with breakfast?? You’re doing it to yourself!

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Dad June 17, 2011 at 4:30 pm

After a long journey back from Thailand wiping away your mothers tears that was a very funny post to read and cheer us both up. But I as your father am now a little concerned about your state of mind, I think I have worked out why you kept trying to take me around all the Ladyboy clubs. Look after him Kirsty, dont let him go off out on his own for a while.

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Poi June 20, 2011 at 10:06 am

Cheers Pops, I’m glad you enjoyed and I’ll pass on the advice to Kirsty!

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Jeremy June 17, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Shame the doctor wasn’t a ladyboy. Maybe modify it for the next time you share it over a round of beers?
Jeremy´s last blog post ..Where You Should Be! – Tanzania

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Poi June 20, 2011 at 10:06 am

Good idea – will do!

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Andi of My Beautiful Adventures June 17, 2011 at 9:06 pm

OMG you poor thing, what a horrific experience! I hope everything turns out to be fine. Yikes!!!

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Poi June 20, 2011 at 10:07 am

So do I, thanks Andi

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Kelly June 17, 2011 at 11:12 pm

Aww, sorry you’re in such pain, but thanks for sharing and making me laugh!

I remember when you guys were just getting ready to leave, so it’s great to see these updates – even if they’re not the most fun. It’s all part of life!
Kelly´s last blog post ..Do It While Theyre Young!

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Poi June 20, 2011 at 10:07 am

Yeah this wasn’t exactly what we had in mind when we left but never mind it’s all part of the fun I guess!

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Elise June 18, 2011 at 3:17 am

I was slightly intrigued by this post, but put off at the same time! I only have myself to blame..how much more out in the open can you get with a title ‘getting my anus inspected in bangkok’?!??!I was the one who clicked and read on!!

I hope everything turns out ok for you though 🙂
Elise´s last blog post ..My Take On Long Term Travel

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Poi June 20, 2011 at 10:08 am

So you’re one of the clever one’s who wasn’t eating when they opened this, well done!

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Skott - Get Up and Globe June 18, 2011 at 4:16 am

This post was like driving past a car accident on the side of the road…you don’t want to look, but you can’t stop yourself…. 🙂

Very funny post, but most importantly, I hope you are alright.

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Poi June 20, 2011 at 10:09 am

haha I think you’ve got it spot on there, I wouldn’t have been able to resist looking either and thanks!

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flip June 18, 2011 at 3:06 pm

holy sh*t… must be traumatic … and the pics… ugh!!! glad to know you feel better now
flip´s last blog post ..Deja Vu in the Old Quarters- Hanoi- Three New Learnings

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Poi June 20, 2011 at 10:09 am

Cheers Flip, I can send you a close up of the pics if you want??? 🙂

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Heather June 19, 2011 at 4:02 am

I can’t believe having to experience this at home let alone overseas. Hope you don’t have any more troubles, Poi! While I’m not glad you went through this, I’m glad you decided to write about it…not that I wanted to read about this particular subject 😉 but it does make for good story telling.
Heather´s last blog post ..Heather and Laura go to Washington

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Poi June 20, 2011 at 10:10 am

My thoughts exactly, although I still don’t know what is wrong with me it made for a good blog post!

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Toni June 20, 2011 at 7:02 pm

lol I know that I should feel sorry for you but I couldn’t stop laughing at that…though I’m in the office so couldn’t really confess that I was laughing about a guy, his anus and a whole lot of wind haha.
Hope you feel better soon…but in a way I don’t if it means we get to read more stories like this – hilarious =)
Toni´s last blog post ..The Travel Bible – your essential pre-trip planning

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Poi June 21, 2011 at 10:09 am

haha I hope no one looked over your shoulder as you were reading this, could be some interesting rumours going around about you haha

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Anthony June 21, 2011 at 3:49 am

hahahahahaaaaaaa you CRACK me up lad!!! 😀

(see what I did?)
Anthony´s last blog post ..Eat- Pray- Love – A Man’s Perspective

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Poi June 21, 2011 at 10:10 am

Have you thought of going into comedy full time? 😉

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Ali June 21, 2011 at 12:55 pm

I can’t believe you actually posted this, especially the pictures…hilarious! (And gross…) I have a digestive disease that requires I get my ass inspected every 2 years (lucky me) as cancer prevention but I can say I have never woken up in the middle of it. That’s crazy! But really all you can do to get passed feeling violated is laugh and make jokes. Fart and butt jokes never get old even if we do. Seriously though, I hope they figure out what’s wrong with you and it’s nothing major.
Ali´s last blog post ..We Got Married!

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Poi June 22, 2011 at 10:01 am

I think that is all you can do when someone puts a camera up your bum, laugh, only if you are expecting them to obviously.

Thanks Ali!

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Erik June 22, 2011 at 3:52 am

Hope you are feeling better!

Great job telling the story!

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Poi June 22, 2011 at 10:01 am

Cheers Erik!

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GoingNomadDanib June 28, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Hahahaha…

If it makes you feel better, my dad framed his colonoscopy photo and hung it in his office, to show everyone what an as*$%le he really is.

Love this post. Love the picts. Love how you took your awful experience and made it into hours of enjoyment for others!

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Poi June 28, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed my pain, that was the plan.

As for framing the photos, that’s genius. I’m not sure Kirsty will approve of such decorating of the apartment though…

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Raymond @ Man On The Lam June 29, 2011 at 11:45 am

Those photos are DISTURBING! It looks like fish you’d expect to find outside a nuclear power plant. 🙂

Nice that you got some cake out of it though…

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Poi June 29, 2011 at 12:26 pm

So my insides look like diseased fish, I can live with that.

It was some expensive and well earned cake.

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Will June 29, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Horrified, titillated, mildly amused, belly laughs, nausea, hypochondria: just some of the emotions I went through reading this. Like your style.

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Poi June 30, 2011 at 11:47 am

Cheers Mate! That’s quite a mixture of emotions, I wish I could write posts that got that reaction every time…

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Ellie June 29, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Out of all the people I met whilst travelling I am least surprised this happened to you.
And on the note if the great jobs nurses have to do now you know why I rushed back to the uk to restart my job.
Hope the results are ok and try not to worry.

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Poi June 30, 2011 at 11:48 am

haha what the bloody hell is that meant to mean??

And yes, I have a new found respect for you and your choice of career.

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Dominique July 11, 2011 at 9:54 am

I’m one sick puppy because I actually was actually wishing I could see the pictures better! I guess that’s what happens when you’re a history of surgery & medicine major at one point in your life! Sorry for the pain and problems and I hope ti turns out for the best! 🙂

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Poi July 11, 2011 at 10:01 am

haha, see I knew someone would want to see them! I was told the pictures actually show I look fine other than a few spots which are nothing to worry about (confirmed with samples) so not a lot to see for your medical eyes.

Cheers!

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Leif July 18, 2011 at 6:33 am

Bahahah, funky stuff ><. I love it. I did a post on avoiding Diarrhea, theres some good poop humor in it, http://www.runawayguide.com/health-spirit/how-to-avoid-travelers-diarrhea/

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Poi July 18, 2011 at 9:39 am

It seems everyone loves poop humour!

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Chris of Rambling Irish October 11, 2011 at 3:38 am

Haha, this is a very funny post.

I was nearly in tears with laughter at this point – “You’ve just been bummed, have some cake?”

You’re a funny guy! 😛

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Waly October 29, 2011 at 10:53 am

Learn to speak Thai and many of your fears and most of this article will vanish. เข้าใจ

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Poi November 2, 2011 at 10:30 am

Even the bit with the camera up my bum?

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Jack August 3, 2012 at 4:14 pm

How much did this cost ?
I might have to get one done soon 🙁

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Andy Mack March 19, 2015 at 7:02 pm

I hope the Doctor kissed you goodbye!!!

LoL

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